This time last year, I was unhappy.
This time last year, I hated how I looked in a bathing suit.
This time last year I felt like I was drowning in the fat I wanted so badly to love.
But most importantly, this time last year I would have never been able to see where I am THIS year.
I could never even imagine that I would be engaged and soon to be marrying the love of my life. To get a bit personal, my FH changed my life in every way I prayed to God that he would. He is an amazing fiancé, an amazing father, an amazing Christian man, and I hope that one day I can be as good as a person as he is. Because that’s just how amazing he is.
Now, back to my fat ass.
I know it’s been a couple weeks since I posted, sorry for that. I took some time to get my thoughts together because between the scale being all over the place, having a bad food week, and finishing it off celebrating my amazing friend’s birthday I needed to breathe.
So, *finger snaps* remember when I told you that the scale is a damn LIE!? Well, guess what! IT’S A LIAR! Don’t believe that devious plastic machine with its little red numbers… *whispers* it tells you lies. Okay, enough with the dramatics. The scale had been on a slant for a few weeks and of course, that makes the numbers either higher or lower. Long story short, I thought I was at 353 and in reality I was 377. I don’t know about you but for me I could feel the pain of failure (and hatred for the scale… One day, I will crush it *angry fist shake*) well up within my throat. I tried to stay positive and put on a strong front as I spoke with Jeremy (our trainer) but I was ready to crawl into a hole.
And crawl into a whole is what I did, my normal spot… Myself. I crawled into myself and began to talk down to myself like I teach other women not to do. I (and the best woman ever) hold a Women’s Empowerment Meet once a month (As Women We Empower) and I often speak about being courageous and being in love with YOU! But I was not in love with my progress. Sadly, I was not in love with myself. Here I was thinking I had loss all this weight and the scale laughed at me. It laughed a hearty laugh… The kind of laugh that you lean your head back and cackle while you hold your tummy because it hurts from the laughing kinda laugh. I refuse for the scale to continue to be the demon with the red eyes. I refuse to be controlled by what I feel I should have lossed instead of embracing the progress of small changes.
Tonight I got on the scale and decided to make a truce *insert evil laugh here*. I decided I was going to get back on the scale and check my attitude at the door. Not only check myself but remind myself that I love me and this is why I’m doing this. My current weigh 359 lbs (down from 393) and I can smell my first goal of 350 lbs. Do you know what it smells like? Do you smell what the Rock is cookin? If you do take pictures cause that man is FINE!! What? I’m engaged not blind! Anyway… My first goal smells like SWEAT… And maybe a smoothie too but sweat nonetheless.
I’m proud to say I am proud of my 6lb weight loss this week. I’m also proud because I truly love my progress and myself. So I’ll end it with this.
I want to be proud, so I am.
I want to be healthy, so I am.
I want to be in love with me, so I am.
This time next year, I want to be triumphant and so I will.